TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE 2013 ILLINOIS SNOW SCULPTING COMPETITION WAS REALLY CANCELLED:

10. Ongoing conspiracy to keep Fergus from sculpting...EVER!

 9. Liability issue with the Band of Misfit Boys being "all hands"

 8. It's all Sable's fault...she has to F%@K it up for everybody!

 7. Park District forgot annual puppy sacrifice to Snow Gods

 6. No Twinkies AND no snow? Mere coincidence? We think not!

 5. VIB begged Sue to cancel this year. They needed the time off to collect themselves "emotionally"

 4. Park District didn't expect the Mayans would ACTUALLY be wrong!

 3. Sue blew entire budget buying "Justin Bieber chewed gum" on Ebay

 2. Sinnissippi Park still crime scene after Man-Bear attack

AND THE #1 REASON WHY THE 2013 ILLINOIS SNOW SCULPTING COMPETITION WAS REALLY CANCELLED...

  TWO WORDS...BED BUGS!